The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

Avalanche Company: The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

I like Specialist Schwarz.
It appears he is what I would have become if I had joined ROTC.
I think I was Specialist Schwarz in another life.
I want Specialist Schwarz to stay away from my daughters.

I think I wet my pants. I was having a "not so good week" this week. But this site put a smile on my face, and I now vow to have a better week.

Take a quick read. My favorites are below:

My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
Must not taunt the French any more.
The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
I do not have super-powers.
There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.
On Army documents, my race is not 'Other'.
Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."